A New Goal, an Achieved Goal

So it has been a little while since I last posted an update on how things are going. Part of the reason I have failed to post... I was losing sight of the prize, a healthier, happier, more disciplined me. Over these last weeks, I have had my first disappointment... and some good loss. But it has been easy to lose myself and justify my set backs... until the week before last.

The first disappointment... a gain. A very minimal gain, but coming off of a very good week of healthy eating habits and plenty of vigorous exercise a gain was insane and unexpected. I came home from Mass. having lost 3.8. The same day we got back- I played in McSoccerfest with some friends from church. It was hot, I sweat, and I ate well. Then I did my usual kickboxing on Tuesday, maybe some minor work on days in between, but I was expecting some good numbers, but a .6 gain! It was unbelievable, but I thought with being my active... maybe I was becoming my old muscular self. So though I was disappointed, I lost every week for about 24weeks, I moved on to not let that happen again. I figured with gaining that the next week would make up for it.

And it did! I lost 4.2 that next week!! WOW! I was excited and felt back on track. But then I slacked off in activity and Jeremiah had gotten pretty sick on my kickboxing day and I missed for his Dr's appointment, not to mention those blasted cookies that I ate on the (5th) to curb eating the fired baskets they were serving at the fairgrounds. And no, I did not try and make up for that loss of activity. BTW, he was okay, he had a double ear infection- again! I think those tubes are gonna be coming soon. Horrible! But anyway, that week I gained .2. I justified the gain by averaging out the losses. The previous weeks were still about 1.5lbs and these 2 weeks would be about 2lbs, so I thought I was still on track. But my better eating habits were diminishing with every slice of pizza I ate! And my exercise became of little importance in light of my regular weekly obligations. Funny thing though... our meeting topic... getting to our boiling point!! Something about water being HOT at 211 degrees, but BOILING at just one degree more at 212. So the point was to step it up one degree! Easy enough. I walked out feeling reved and ready to take my week on.

The first day was going well. The first day of my week (Friday) was the last day of Mikah's soccer camp. I had a good breakfast, but when we got home, I tried to turn the microwave on to heat up the boys' mini corn dogs so they could eat and I could heat up my SMART ONE, but it wasn't working. Meanwhile, Mikah kept telling me he couldn't get the TV on- which at the time I didn't care because I wanted everyone to EAT so they could NAP! Then I realized... the power was off. I called my parents to see if they had any idea what was going on, my dad had just gotten through the traffic by the AFB where a DUMP TRUCK pulled out with his bed UP and took out the lines! Pepco said we were to be out of power till about 2am!! AND IT WAS HOT! But more importantly, I was too tired to go back out and I had $7! I had money enough for McDonalds but was not putting 3 kids back in the car to go out. My parents being wonderful and wanting to help offered to order pizza. WONDERFUL!? I told myself that I would have something else. When the pizza got here, I looked to make myself something... there was no bread for me to make my usual sandwich... there was no milk to indulge in a large bowl of cereal and I WAS FRUSTRATED! So I took that slice of pizza and here are the four of us chomping away like ravenous wolves in the quiet of our powerless home. The sound was enough to drive anyone mad, but it was a long day and we all were pretty hungry. We ALL had another piece. And I was left with enough points to have a salad for dinner.

But Billy had softball, and the offer was on the table to go to Regina's after the game at the expense of a generous teammate... our thought the house will be hot and we haven't got a call yet to tell us otherwise. My plan was partake in the one slice I would have points for... but that didn't last long at all. By the time we left, my bonus points were gone plus my points for the next day were down to about half! Funny huh?! I was upset with myself. So I was on a mission to undo the damage I had done. I lowered my intake for each day and I walked with the kids half the week and went kickboxing. I managed to pull a loss from my backside! I was amazed. I knew I was gonna gain, just wanted to minimize it... and this?! I'll take it... I did work hard to get back on track. So now, I AM BACK! And ready. And I don't think me thinking I could do this alone- it is easy- how hard could it be- was helping either. I am giving it back to God. It surely is by His power within me that I can resist those cookies and pizza. Believe, those are 2 things that are REALLY REALLY hard to "lighten up". In attempt to keep me focused on the future and not my past screw ups, I have set a couple goals.

One of those goals... my 75 lb goal. The date I have PLACED ON MY CALENDAR is to be Sept 10th... if need be, the 17th. (If I am too far off and I feel like I have messed up too much, I am likely to give up... so I need to be flexible with myself.) That means that I would need to lose 2 lbs a week. Not impossible by any means, but a stretch- rather, a challenge. I am excited. I go t see my OBGYN at the end of Sept and part of me wants to see the reaction. Being heavier and pregnant, they always want to be kind and not hurtful, but the truth is- everyone is in danger! You know?! So now, I know that when God says its the right time and we want more children, we will be able to freely do that with much healthier circumstance. Plus I need to have the discussion about delivery options... I really don't like C sections... and I probably will not do this kid thing again if I have to have one! But now maybe the situation would be different!! BUT NEWAY! Another goal... and I know your chin my drop, but I set my 100 lb goal. Dec 25th is hopefully the date for that goal! Maybe the beginning of Jan because I know there won't be a meeting. Jan 10th will be one year anniversary of my first meeting. The time I realized I was fat and getting fatter?! Yeah, that time. HAHA. But yes, believe it or not... for those of you who may not believe it, they actually expect me to lose more than 100. But I don't think I intend to. Billy is afraid of me getting too small. Remember, we met while I was in high school... and I was not a skinny mini and I am already within 25lbs of that weight. Not necessarily the waist size yet, but I am workin' on it!

I have reached a goal pertaining to size! I don't care, I can wear a 14! Maybe not ALL but at least one!! OBVIOUSLY. A few months back I bought a pair of dressy shorts (city shorts) for church- not sure if I would be able to get into them before the summer ended. Well, in weeks past, I have been able to get into them and button them, but still not feel appropriate and comfortable, but this week was different. I can wear them now! And I will. At a meeting I set a goal to get into those shorts by the end of summer!! Goal achieved! Guess I need to go shopping again. I have to buy something else every time I get into my previous "goal clothes". Maybe by the end of summer I can be a TRUE 14 and buy 12's to look toward?! Those are my high school sizes though! Wow, almost 5 years of damage undone! You have to stand in awe God's power and His abilities to work within and through us. I would have thought nothing could ever change me!

Praise God! He is GREAT! And always faithful, even we I am not!

New England... much to say!

Honestly, New England has to be one of the most beautiful places in the country... if not the world. It is a place full of history with many stories to tell. In the fall, the trees are the prettiest around, due to the evening temperatures. But let me tell you, in the summer time... it is horrid!! Well, only the part where my family goes up there for about a week! This year was a little different, as far as the occasion. However, the habits were about the same. Mom, Margie, and myself... we are all very hard headed people, and this year, my sister was on an ego trip... since she was graduating and getting most anything she wanted! My purpose and motive was to try and be something I wasn't while I was there. And I know usually that is a really bad thing to be- something you are not. Then again, I think it is quite the opposite as a christian. The whole idea is to be someone you are not because you know EXACTLY what you are! And before you are pulled from the pit, you are AWFUL! So needless to say, I wanted to be "Jesus" to my sister. I began the trip with this picture in mind that we were gonna go shopping for a couple outfits for graduation and I was going to take some really fun grad pics of her around town. Show casing the greenery, the history, and my sisters awful beauty. Which can be very strong when it isn't being masked by her stinky attitude!! hahaha. Yeah, some of the pictures prove just what I mean. But anyway... we picked her up in New Hampshire and headed to the mall for some tax free shopping!! EVENTUALLY (after about 5 hours) we were able to head out with her grad outfit and senior pic out fit in tow. By the time we were to begin shooting, we had lost too much light. So we rescheduled for Friday, the day of graduation... I KNEW this was going to be interesting. The morning was WONDERFUL! I say that sarcastically!! Mom was gabbing through breakfast, putting us a little behind and Margie's hair was a little uncooperative once we got home. When we finally got out... rain drops started trickling from the darkened clouds above... almost like they were just daring me to pull my camera out!! But I had no choice! Here hair was done, and both of my boys were being looked after. There was no other time. The moment my sister took her seat, the wind blew through and those meddlesome clouds began to retreat!! But we were still feeling the stress of the clock and the storms predicted to start ANY minute. We ran from spot to spot. By the pond, by the rock, in the trees, in the grass, ON the rock... anywhere we could. And then we RAN back for a quick outfit change and an escort into town to shoot at the old castle. Yes, CASTLE. It was once a castle and now a catholic school. Of course we had to make a stop at the river, there we had some lens mix up and I was so afraid to take "everything" down with me. My thinking, "If I go in with the camera, at least I could sell the lens!!" So bad, I know! As the sand from the shore shifted and broke away under our feet, we made our way to a fallen tree for what we hoped would be a great photo op. Then we sprinted back to the truck to get to that castle before she was due back to change for the graduation ceremony. We parked near by and began to make our way across the street. Which prompted my crazy sister to cross WHILE cars were coming... which prompted my motherly screaming for her to get out of the street. Which prompted her egotistical self, "Brenda, I know what I am doing. Geez I am so stressed out. I don't need this". Not good for me... I was thinking and then said, "I am doing this for you, I don't need this!!!!!" So the next couple pics show that wonderful attitude. Eventually she got over it and we figured out a way to get her butt on top of the wall. I was not only the "photographer"... but her "footstool" as well!! People driving by had to have thought we were insane!! But we were a people on a mission! It had to get done and then we had to get back- no time for being lady like! Our other problem was going to be the patrolling officers which frequented the area. We made it as quick as we could and keep making our way to the "castle door". We had some fun as we moved along... I got a picture in between shots of her holding her eyes because of how bright the sun had gotten was the clouds dispersed. The others were more like test shots of her walking down the sidewalk, before she turned around, anyway. We hurried through a few more shots and started to run back to the car, knowing we were REALLY cutting it close. I love the stone wall so much I just had to stop her again and get some portraits by the wall. Just in case she didn't like the full body shots, she would have something a little closer. When we got back to the truck, I opened the door and as I scooted my bum into the seat, I looked up to see 2 spires (I believe they're called) and it hit me!! What an opportunity to have a picture with history and such magnificent colors!! So I got mom to pull the truck up to the wall and Margie climbed on up. Shot after shot she just sat there smiling. I think the people hollering to her on the street had gone to her head. But then again, I was have a great time actually pretending to know something about what I was supposed to be doing!! She climbed down on my shoulders and onto the truck and we were off! We got back at the time we were supposed to be leaving and we all still had to get dressed... and I had 2 kids to get ready and the truck to pack up for the trip home later that evening! When we finally got out, we were about 30min behind schedule and I still had to get gas! By the grace of God... and that was EXACTLY what it was. We got there ON TIME and safe, even after 2 stops. Margie went to where the graduates were supposed to be my family took their seats and I found myself a sweet spot to get a picture of her walking the stage to get her diploma. After settling, I saw my uncle walk in and he looked very confused as he panned the auditorium so I left Mikah to save our seats as I went and got him. We walked back towards our seats and then he said to me, "WEll, would you like to see your FATHER?" And my heart sunk... I looked back to Mikah sitting alone, knowing that more than anything my father needed to meet his grand children, and then I looked over to Jeremiah- and then I heard "Would everyone please take their seats". I had no idea what to do! Then just as I reached the spot where Mikah was sitting, I look over to this man with sandy- grey hair who is smiling at me?! I stood there dumbfounded until I realized that this wrinkled man was my father! I approached him as the tears welled in my eyes. When I reached him, I could no longer see and instead of giving him the embrace an adult would- one arm over, the other under each shoulder, I wrapped my arms around his waist as I was a 12 yr old girl all over again and I just closed my eyes. When I finally opened my eyes, I was able to see the many people in the bleachers staring at us like we were crazy. Then he introduced me to my step mother and my 8 yr old little sister, who was just standing there seeming a little out of sorts. Now after Mikahs reaction, I understand why!! For the first time ever she was meeting her sister and meeting a nephew, the same size as her! We all sat together and my father looks at Mikah and says, "Well, Mikah... I guess I'm your grandfather". I could not believe it! It was a day that I never thought would come. A day that I had already begun to lose hope in ever seeing. Mikah sat through the ceremony impatiently waiting for the old people to stop talking and to give his aunt her "special paper" while my father laughed and giggled at his childish sighs and moans. I just kept looking down, in unbelief, marveling at the fact that this was REALLY happening. Mikah and my sister Laura hit it off and sat together the last part of the ceremony (because if he stayed by me he was gonna get a whoopin'!). During the rose ceremony where the grads to be hand out a rose to someone important in their life, I made my way around to my mother who I knew was gonna get the rose. My mother stood with tears in her eyes, as my sister pulled out a rose from about a dozen?! Then I realized she was going around to our family to give each a rose. When she reached me, I said to her, "Margie, look who's here." As she panned to my uncle in the usual, "I knew that already," kinda way, a waving hand caught her eye and the tears fell. Mind you, my sister would never be able to pick my father out of a police line up of 8 people let alone pick him out of a crowd! It was an emotional moment as they embraced. Her tears continued to fall as she made her way back to the stage where her class was waiting for her. And then I realized there were even more people looking our way like we were mad! And then I giggled as I thought of how many people have this sort of fairy tale graduation where their long lost father shows up to see the most important day of their life. And then I realized that that moment, this day, belonged to my sister... and they were jealous! I'm just kidding about that last part. But I know it will be memorable for her. When they finally called her name, she walked across the stage with such pride and this gorgeous smile, which I have NEVER seen before and just as she shook her principles hand, I snapped the shot. Which turned out pretty nicely thanks to a certain friend showing me how to allow more light into a shot (though I have NO IDEA what you call it!!) After graduation we went to McDonald's... nothing special about that you are thinking, but it was for a couple reasons-
1. My Father, step mom, and sister were going.
2. Everything else was closing for the night.
3. The inside of McDonald's was open at 11 pm!!!

I was beyond overjoyed that they agreed. The moment graduation concluded, I pounced him like a kid wanting candy from the store. I could NOT watch him go yet. So we enjoyed our meal which lasted forever, at least mine did. I was almost unable to eat and all I could think about is "He is going to have to leave". So I was relieved by every moment Mikah and Laura played, thinking they couldn't leave while the children were playing so well together. Eventually all good things come to an end. I truly believe that statement, whether it lasts your entire life our a few minutes, or seconds, it does end. My father, still being a father, regardless of whether or not he is usually mine, was concerned about my traveling home at 1 30am with the 2 boys and tried to convince me to stay. Let me tell you what was going on and WHY I had to leave. McSoccerfest was the next evening and I was stoked!! I love soccer, but love it even more when it is with people who just want to play to have fun and do so to the glory of Christ! But for that split moment I felt like that little girl again running to the neighbors, when he called and said "Baby, its alright come back home." (My father was not a good man to my mom back then, not saying he is now, but I think you get the point). I did not want to go for fear of never seeing him again, but I knew I had to get home. Since I wouldn't stay, he wanted to ensure I would get home as safe as possible so he gave me money for the road. And then it happened... they got in the car, put it in reverse, then drive, and began to pull away. I tried to fight back the tears (as I am now!!) while I held Jeremiah and they drove off. They stopped momentarily and I could not quite tell if my father even looked at me and my step mother said with her German accent, "Brenda, call us" as she blew me a kiss. After YEARS of not seeing him, remembering the other times I had seen him, when he would come and then just GO and I saw him do it again. I was devastated! I shook and tried not to sob, I didn't want my boys to feel me. But truth be told, my heart was breaking all over again and I was unsure of my ability to get in the car and leave. I talked to Billy for a few minutes, but had to turn the phone off- no car charger... you know how that is. And once Mom was out of sight... and the boys were asleep, I let it out. No, it didn't feel good. My heart ached with such intensity and then I fell back on the one constant that I have and will have forever- My God. And I prayed and prayed... and then my sorrow became a song of praise as I reflected on God's faithfulness through every part of my life... and I knew he would be faithful through this. Almost like there was a new door opened in my life and its dark and I don't know where it will lead. I prayed repeatedly for the hurt to be taken away... otherwise, I was not okay to drive!! (haha). And again, he was faithful to answer my prayers. Praise God... He is good! Obviously, I did make it home, by the grace of God... I had to start smacking myself coming through Jersey! I didn't want to stop and I was so so tired. I got a mini nap before the tournament and we had a great time. The end?!

I apologize, I really went off on a tangent! Didn't mean to, but I realized there was much more to say then the pictures alone! It makes me feel better just to put it all out there. Paper (per se) doesn't judge and you don't have to worry about whether or not it understands you. 'Cause I know my wonderful husband though he may try, he can't fully comprehend the pain, anger and frustration of what happened that weekend. I can't even say that I completely understand what happened! I mean, I was nice to family that I usually cannot stand, I have seen my father that I haven't seen in over a decade, I made a 10 hour drive, alone, with 2 tots- TWICE! (within about 48 hours!!), and have felt my faith challenged by family and circumstances. But it feels good to be an over comer... and to be back home.

Check out a couple of my favorite shots.

Its been awhile...

I know it has been some time now... but just to make an update. I have lost now 52.6 lbs. I have lost over 20% and I am now under 200 lbs. That is thrilling for me! I am now just under the weight that I was when I found out I was pregnant with Mikah. Recently, I have began attending a kick boxing/ aerobics class... well, I have only done it one week so far, but apparently it works. This week I had lost 3.8 lbs. So I guess I am gonna stick with it. My goal for this month, lose 10 lbs. Saturday evening myself, Billy, and a few others from church competed in the Mcsoccerfest tournament in Columbia. We surely did not win, but we had alot of fun... and I did alot of sweating! So I HAVE to go to that class tonight so I can maximize my weight loss for this week. I will go despite the fact that I still cannot walk efficiently or sneeze comfortably. Maybe punching and kicking will get my muscles stretched back out! So I guess I will set a goal of 3 lbs for this week and then maybe I can hit that 10 lbs the next week!! As long as I continue to work at it, I will be well on my way to 60 lbs!

Mikah's birthday party (5/3/08)

I just wanted to "talk" (because it is well past bedtime and everyone is asleep)... about Mikah's party. Today I finally got to look at a load of pictures that a friend (Shannon) took and burned to disk for me to enjoy. I know the party was a blast- for me, for Billy, and of course, Mikah. But seriously, I was so busy I didn't have the time to sit and enjoy myself. I was up the hill and down again trying to get everything from the house to the table and I was busy being a spokes person and a mom and a babysitter, a party planner and a hostess and who knows what else! After Mikah's well played soccer game, my mother in law and I split up- she went to grab the balloons I ordered, and we were off to pick up the cake and sodas. I dropped Billy off at home and he and Mikah grabbed the grill. I hadn't realized on the way to my mother in laws that we needed ice, already on the road, I thought I should do it. With 30 lb Jeremiah in my arms, I marched into 7-11 and opened the freezer. Crazy me thought it much more of a bargain to get 3 bags at 16 lbs than 4 at 10, so i grabbed it ALL and struggled to the counter. I didn't drop anything but I sure was close. I was a Super Mom in a hurry!! I had no time for repeat trips. Though I gave in when it came to carrying everything to the truck!! I took 2 bags and Jeremiah out to the truck and went back for the other- just to find out that Billy was RIGHT behind me and I should have gotten him to do it. We had left Gambrills minutes after 10am and the party was set for noon! Once at my mother in laws it was a mad dash to get everything set up. It was turning out to be a pretty warm day indeed and my sweat was flyin'! Had to get the sodas in coolers, on ice, and down the hill. We had to set up all the tables, chairs and get them covered. We covered the stage, helped set up the music equipment, staked banners, filled water balloons, filled the pinata, put out balloons and braced for impact! Though not in perfect timing. Guests began to arrive thereabout 12:30, 12:45... late, but not late enough, obviously. However, if Shannon and Jason hadn't shown up when they did, the party would have been a bust! Shannon had the patience to untangle a dozen plus balloons and Jason... had the ability to run his mouth to my husband who was ready to brag on his hand made slingshot. What a help! No, they were great! Jason and Shannon started face painting and Tiffany and I began the hair color. Man some of those kids had some bold ideas for color. Austin had a blue mohawk, with pink streaks, and orange sides. After I did Tiff's hair... and she did mine- I was off! The only time I was able to sit was the fifteen minutes it took for me to eat my lunch. But only after getting the karaoke started! Kirsten kicked the party off in grand style singin' Twinkle Twinkle. Every child who attended sang! It was great!! Micah and Luke sang of all things... the Beatles, "Hey Jude". And Mikah's soccer buddy and his younger sister sang "My Girl". Yeah, and there was alot of "Jesus Loves Me". After the wonderfully prepared lunch- courtesy of my Nunny bunny on the grill and both of my mothers' side dishes... oh oh!! I sliced the pineapples!! Go me, GO ME!!! Well... we bashed in the pinata. Of course we started with the youngest. Tyler... he was fun to watch. He is a pretty violent kid. Then again... look at his dad! HA. But we forgot the babies! Jeremiah took a few swings of the bat, thought it was amusing, then said "forget it!" But Vinnie... oh man! Watch out now! A little slugger! He went to T O W N on that pinata! Everyone got a few hits and passed the stick on. I know everyone knows how the pinata works, but this one was special... it was MANUAL. We ghetto rigged it- just another way Shannon and Jason saved the day! Came up with the idea of putting bungy cords (HOWEVER you spell it!) through the center of the four. Whats worse is we didn't have one long enough so we used 2 and hooked them together! Jason and Billy stood on chairs and yanked away on the strings! I think Jason only got hit once. Luckily for my dear hubby, who has experienced this terror before while holding a pinata on a chair, was on the right and most of the kids were right handed- swinging to their left!! After Luke opened it up a bit, the stick was back in Mikah's hands to free the candy from its cardboard prison. The dag on thing was SO full of candy, the kids were picking it up for over 10 minutes! Anyone who has been to a KID party with a pinata knows that there is a feeding frenzy directly following the breaking. The initial excitement was quelled by the over abundance of sweets on the ground. I think they were a little intimidated. And yes, us grown ups had to help distribute to move the process along. FINALLY!! Not a moment too soon, we moved on. Billy brought a 5 gallon bucket FULL of water balloons down the hill and the kids were ready to go wild! Billy and Jason held the well made slingshot while the kids pulled back with all their might, not always remembering to brace themselves before they let go!! The night before, Billy drove around a bit to get an exercise band that would be worthy of a sling shot. He came home, grabbed one of my smaller tupperware containers and a huge roll of duct tape and got busy. You would never be able to tell there is a kitchen container in all that tape! But it held up great! It even survived! And I am sure it will make it to an AWANA near you! After handing over the handle, Jason took a balloon- from FAITH!!- to the gut! A couple of the kids got him REAL good. After all that work, our food had settled enough for cake and ice cream. The wonderful American Idol image on the cake, though it was not perfect, was good enough to please my baby and made good eatin'! The wonderful Shannon got pictures of the cake before it was destroyed. I am so grateful for the pictures she took because I got about 5! Not even one of my own child! Anyway, everyone enjoyed the cake and ice cream, some had to leave, but we dragged on a while more and Mikah got to play a bit with Jason (by himself). Once the guests left, I immediately begin to tear down the mess of the party that was left over in my mother in laws yard. It took some time, but was no where near as bad as having to set up! What was a major curiosity to neighbors and party central to about 10 kids was gone in no time. The only evidence remaining was a few scraps of balloon in the yard. We were exhausted, but overjoyed with the pleasure and happiness that the children experienced. So tonight, when I was able to pop the disk into my computer, sit, and replay the entire series of events from that day, I was brought to a tear or 2. My baby had a blast! And I don't think that one of those kids who attended will ever miss a party that my baby throws- EVER! What seemed would be a simple party- let the kids play, let them sing, paint 'em up, became so much more just because of what some family and some friends contributed to MY sons special day. I saw pictures of the Browns' kids trip prior to their arrival, my husband on the grill, fun face paints and vibrant hair color. Saw a replay of pinata bashing, water balloon shooting, and cake eating. And the closing pic brought the tears to my eyes, as it is now... me and my little Mikah near the end of his party. You know how you can look at yourself in a picture and though you may LOOK like you feel one way, you remember EXACTLY how you REALLY felt? It is one of those pictures for me. I was happy that so many people came out on their Saturday afternoon to bring their child to spend the day with MY son. I was elated by the amount of food prepared and everyones enjoyment of it. I was in awe of all the parents enthusiasm in the activities. I felt truly blessed because God loves me enough to have answered a selfish prayer for good weather! I got to watch my husband being the man that he loves to be- fellowshipping with his brothers in the Lord, feeding many families, improvising to entertain children whom he adores. And I got to see all the smiles on the faces of these children who my baby will grow up with (I hope), that he calls "friends". There was so much joy, so much grace and love... and my face, my flesh just did not have the capacity to display the overwhelming joy of my spirit. Which may I say, set me up for a glorious, very unique weekend where God just showed me His glory! He woke me fresh on Sunday with an uplifted Spirit, led me in His Word to "facilitate" Connections. He cleared my heart so I could wholly worship Him for being the lifter of MY head and there was even enough grace leftover to get through the "Life Together" scene. What a great God! How awesome is His love? That He has LAVISHED upon us! Just throwing this in... I have been in Dueteronomy lately... and Moses directs the Israelities (i believe in 4??) to NEVER forget, never stop talking about the things God has done for them. That they are to tell their children and grandchildren the miracles God has done for them. I have come to the understanding that God is always present in our lives. But it is only by His grace that you may RECOGNIZE His hand in it. And I long to never forget what He has done for me and places He has brought me from. I do believe that there are "spiritual" highs and lows. That they may be based on "emotion" which is the worst thing to base your faith on, but on the other hand, I know that God loves us enough to reveal himself to us. And that weekend, especially Saturday, I tasted a glimpse- of the glory of God... the peace and overwhelming joy that the Spirit brings. Sorry... that is just what that day meant to me. And the "story" that I made of it, is exactly how the day felt. It wasn't just a party. It was an exciting story for my son, for my family. If you could for a moment realize how much I give and put into Jeremiah and know that I am human, I fall short, I cannot give more than I have, you would realize that something may lack in my relationship to Mikah. So this day was a SPECIAL day for me, as a mom who often falls short. That is why I believe God answered my cries. I needed something just for Mikah... and here it was. A clear sky and warm weather, a far cry from the rain they called for!! So I tell you what He has done for me... that I might not forget. And all of this emotion, all of this joy, praise, gratefulness- is behind the mask in our picture together. Thanks for "listening". If you are reading this. I love you... and I cherish your friendship.

I did it!!

This past week, I did hit the 40 mark! I lost what I believe was 1.2 to bring my total to 40.6. I was really excited. I was so close, but just to have the "3" change to a "4" was like I had lost an extra 10 pounds! Unfortunately, this week I have lacked in exercise and I believe I have eaten just a little too much junk on a couple of occasions. But Billy is making me go to weigh in to see what has happened. Makes sense to me, but I really don't want to end up losing my "40" label. So if I gain, I should pray to only gain .6... though I am sure it does not work that way. Guess I will let you know how it goes.

Movin' right along...

Haven't updated in some time now. I must say that I have been a little busy, but now things are slowing down a little. I have had quite a few milestones within the last week or so. One of those things keeping me busy was leading praise music at the ladies retreat last weekend. Where my milestone was singing a solo for the first time in front of people which is so much different from karaoke because you are revealing your heart. But it wasn't about me so it became a bit easier than I thought it would be. I had a blast with the Donna and Peggy preparing and singing the music. They were great fun to be with... and didn't make bad roomies, either! Check out some of the pictures!! Another accomplishment, I ran 2 miles on the treadmill at the fitness center AT THE RETREAT. And I did it at a near 5 mph. I have not been able to run like that since high school! I was beyond excited! And of course, Donna and Peggy were there and we worked it together! The other milestone was pretty huge for me. A dress that Billy insisted on buying for me back in Jan/ Feb... I tried it on Sunday before church... and it fit!! Mind you, that it is ATLEAST 2 sizes down from what I started at. Now he has to take me out to celebrate. Don't know what we are gonna do yet... I just want to have a nice warm Sunday where I can wear the dress to church! It's about the occassion that I would have to wear it! It just felt great! I had just got done telling him a couple days before I didn't think I could fit it and for fear of ripping it, I hadn't tried it on yet. Well there ya go, what a surprise. I don't remember the last time I posted, but this week I lost 6.2 pounds. Mind you, I missed last Thursdays because we left in the a.m for the retreat, so it was a 2 week loss. But even on average, 3 a week?! I'll take it! BTW, I didn't exercise this past week... Total loss thus far... I don't even want to say it because next week should be another milestone and I don't want to jinx it... but... I am excited... so.... total loss is 39.4 lbs!! I am down form 248 to 209! I cannot believe it. I really can't. It truly is amazing how much making healthier choices can change you! It's not even about dieting and deprevation... just more concious decisions. At this rate, I could reach goal within a year of starting! That is an outrageous though, but so within reach. And the funny thing is, I don't think I make all the choices I could make... but it still works and I still am on a good track! Well, I will definitely be insanely happy when I reach 40! but can you believe, that when I reach 48, I would have lost 20% of myself?! Crazy, huh?! I mean, if I were split into 5 pieces... I would be missing from the tip of my head to my head to my shoulders! I know... forget I said that! Just a fifth of my weight! HAHAHA...

Really, man... common!

I am telling you... one of these days, I will be right about what is gonna happen on that scale. Seriously, I just don't get it. My body must be completely confused because it has no idea what I had done to it this last week. Somehow after consuming a large, Ledo's, buffalo pizza... with LIGHT ranch dressing within 2 days (with the exception of a few pieces). I STILL managed to lose weight. No, I am NOT complaining. I am excited to have lost every week so far. But I know the truth of what I did... and what I DIDN'T do. I know what I ate... (pizza 2 times this week - I behaved the first time- my mother in laws chocolate cookies with peanut butter chips, and probably whatever else I could eat that wasn't the healthiest selection. Hey! But I did drink my water!! I am starting to feel like, no matter what I eat, no matter how much I exceed my points (I know I did this week)... I will lose weight as long as I drink my water! I just don't really want to test that theory, so it will remain a THEORY. You know, the eating part wouldn't have been that bad, except I didn't exercise at all this week. Well, if you are familiar with The Biggest Loser... you would know what I mean when I say I did try and get that "last chance workout". Thursday was THE only day warm enough and dry enough to get out and do anything! So we took the boys and our racquets over to the tennis courts down the way. I must say, Billy really was trying to work me. Every time I put the ball over the net, he sent it back the direction I JUST CAME FROM! So I was back and forth for every volley. I was sweating jut being out in the sun. I am sure I didn't have to do anything! Then I tried to work it out a little coaching a rambunctious group of toddlers. Needless to say, I feel REALLY sorry for the persons sitting next to me in Weight Watchers last night. I was not a pretty sight. But I had managed a loss of 1.6 lbs. Don't get it, but I lost it... OMG!! I know what it was. I was wearing SHORTS and not my usual JEANS!!!! Oh, how depressing! I didn't lose anything. Oh well. I guess I will just have to work harder this week so I don't put that weight back on when I put my jeans back on. My total loss, though it hasn't gone too far behind LAST weeks total, is specail because I am THAT much closer to losing 35!! I can't know if I lose 35 BY my birthday (this Tuesday) but I will aim for 35 for Thursday!! OH NOOOOOOOOOOO. I won't BE THERE!! The womens retreat, we leave Thursday afternoon. Guys... I am really beginning to get frustrated here! I guess I will try and find a Tuesday meeting in my area and then I guess I can really see if I lose 35 BY my birthday.
Anway, the total is 33.2... 1.8 from 35!! I think I am gonna bust my butt playin tennis today, (ANYBODY WANNA JOIN US!!!) and hopefully Sunday or Monday, whichever DOESN'T rain... run a bit at Mikah's practice and then go weight in... in my shorts?! HAHAHA. Man, there is so much going on this week that I just did not realize! Thanks for helping me figure it all out. Till next time. Look, if I do manage to do it... I may have to post it! So hope I post Tuesday!!! PLEASE!

Wow... these last 2 weeks...

Let's see... the week after Easter, suprisingly, went pretty well for me. I managed to lose 2.2 lbs, taking me to my 10% goal!! That is right, I am 10% lighter and healthier than I was in January! I hate to post this... but my total loss is 24.8... yes, that means I was 248.8. I could not believe that I still lost after everything that I ate during those 2 weeks since my last meeting! But what is even better is the number I pulled this past week, one week later... not 2... not 4 or 5... but 6.8!!! .2 oz from being 7 lbs in ONE WEEK! Really, this I COULD NOT believe! Seriously, what in the world would make me lose that much. Like I should be on the Biggest Loser or something like that! Wow... you can tell how I feel if you see all these exclamation points I am using. People were asking me... "OMG (gosh!!) what are you doing"? The only answer I had... TENNIS. Billy, Mikah, and I had played tennis 3 times that week for a total of about 4 hours. We absolutely love it! And I truly am astounded at the difference it makes. Unreal!! So not only did I lose that much in one week but I had a few other successes.

One of them, I lost another 6 plus inches since the last time I measured (3/6/08). So in about a month (4/2/08) another 6 inches. A couple from my waist, another couple from my behind!! And yeah, I think it was about 3 from my bust! So in total, inches lost is somewhere between 12- and 15! Really, that is alot. I guess I shared my weight, I guess I can share the size. We went to Old Navy Saturday so I could give my mother in law and husband ideas for my birthday... I hesitated quite a bit before giving into curiosity and I tried on their jeans. I love Old Navy jeans... I really do. Before I had Jeremiah, or even got pregnant, I was wearing womens 18. I went to Old Navy just after Christmas, right before beginning Weight Watchers, I knew I was larger, so I took 2 pairs of 20's. Neither really fit, one could not make it entirely over my hips! I cannot describe to you the feeling. It was humiliating even though I was the only one who could see. And I hated shopping... at that moment! So we had to go to Walmart and I got 2 pair of 22's. So what happened at Old Navy this time around?! I tried on my 18's... and they were on the verge of being too big! They were a bit baggy in the thigh, and the waist was... COMFORTABLE! Yeah, then I thought, in another month, I may be able to wear a 16! I don't think I wore a 16 since Mikah!! WOW. It just felt REALLY REALLY good.

Another, the other day I went weeding through my old clothes collecting dust in my dresser. Most of them actually fit! All except a couple tops that I wore when I first met Billy. I was about a 12-14 then, so I think maybe this summer... I hope. But it was nice to know I will have shorts to wear this summer... maybe I can toss the maternity shorts I was wearing last summer!!!

The other triumph, I went weeding again, actually prior to the above listed because it was pretty warm when we were going out to play tennis and I needed shorts. I thought I would have to wear the butt tight shorts I wore for McSoccerFest last summer (all I could fit was Mens XL), though they are loser, they are ackwardly long. And I found an old pair of soccer shorts that I don't think I have worn since I played in high school/ adult league. They actually fit WELL!! The last time I tried for McSoccerFest, they were so tight on my butt that if I bent over to pick up the ball, they would have split! But not now! That was specail to me. I don't think anyone would actually understand. I love the sport so much, I haven't played in so long, never thought I could be athletic again, but I am doing it! And I am looking for a team. These things are huge for me. I just cannot believe how much better I am feeling and how much more I want to "play".

Total loss... for now - not feeling too good about the lack of exercise because of the rain and the food isn't the healthiest!! But my loss JUMPED from 24.8 to 31.6 lbs since January!! I'm not done yet!! Today is Mikah's birthday so I am trying to bake a cake before he realizes what I am doing. After practice we are going to Chick Fil A for dinner where he will get a present and his cake!! And a balloon from the balloon twisty lady (Bows the Clown??).

What a wonderful Easter.

This year my plans were to stay home on Easter and enjoy the Sabbath with plenty of rest... and I mean sleep! The baby had been in the hospital since early Wed. morning and had just gotten home mid Saturday afternoon. We were all exhausted- I spent all of Sat filming for a "life group" scene to be introduced to the church next month and I was DONE! Plus, I don't think Jesus pushed the whole "dinner" thing anyway. However, we ended up at my mother in laws for a dinner which I had no business eating ANYWAY! I have been out of points for about the last 2 weeks, I am telling you! And of course I missed last Thursdays meeting, so I have fallen a bit. But I enjoyed myself a little, well maybe a little more than I should have. But I worked a bit off later, tell ya bout it in a minute. We did a little egg hunt for the boys and their aunt, uncles, and a couple cousins... even Maw joined in to help! It was a blast watching the 2 of them get so excited! Jeremiah had no idea what to do... he kinda liked the first egg he had. When they were finished we went back in and Mikah and Jeremiah played with the eggs for a while- peacefully. But that was short lived, Mikah threw one and hit Maw so she threw back. I took the opportunity to lob a couple in his general direction, one bursting open on his forhead, and then he started a war which included his little brother and Daddy. Mom, or Maw, (my mother in law) thought it would be funny to call Uncle D, Uncle CJ, Aunt Manda, and cousin Megan from the video games just to be bombarded with flying plastic eggs. Well that was it! The war had begun! Behind couches, around corners, under tables- we were all hiding! Even the baby took cover from the madness! Sometime later a short truce was called for bathroom breaks and refueling... plus ALL the eggs were now mismatched and none were paired. We got out the tape and worked quickly to salvage whatever we could. Pieces of shattered eggs covered the battle zone. The guys, taking this a little too seriously- mended their wounds and prepared for the final showdown! We lined up the couches, chairs, and purple heart bags- a brave warrior took the neutral zone to return our eggs and it was on! Eggs flew, grandparents ran for cover taking refuge in the kitchen while the war raged on! Yes, indeed... I was hit- busted in my forhead- a flash back to what I dished my own son moments before! Eventually- we all were sweaty (and rug burned), the eggs were broken, Nunny went all Rambo on the furniture, the baby cried and it was over. Above, you will see what remianed of my motehr in laws living room and furniture. I believe it was the "Easter Egg Exchange" or "Extravaganza" or something with an "E". Atleast I got some exercise. Me in my favorite slacks, the boys in their suits, Jeremiah in his- well, he won't fit it again anyway! No matter how much you vacuum... if you have a dog, the hair WILL be there... and you will wear it home. And then I am sure I had another brownie, kidding, but it wouldn't be unlikely with the way things have been lately. Hopefully this week will get me back on track. It's no excuse, but things were a little off this past week with being at the hospital and all- I am just glad to be home, so I won't complain too much about weight and numbers right now. I just hope the gain won't be too bad! HAHA. BTW... Jeremiah is well again. Healthier than before, I think as of right now. It should take a couple of weeks before his body gets back to normal, but he is managing to stay decompressed!! It is great... but you do know that means I am cleaning a pooey butt much more frequently, right?! It is like taking care of a four month old baby... getting up in the middle of the night, checking on every whimper. Well I guess maybe more like a 2 month old baby. Last night I got to sleep through the night. Praise God for that. I will rest eventually I do have faith in that! One day there will be rest. And things could always be so much worse, you know?! But didn't my babies look good... I just couldn't get them to cooperate for a good photo! This was about as good as it got! Happy belated Easter, Happy Spring! The nicer weather is coming!! Its coming!

No time... Gotta Clean up

2.2 pounds last week!! I was really excited considering I struggled with some bored eating over that weekend. This week has been a bit stressful and really trying at times. I have some exercise to do to make up for a couple collapses. Oh, well. I should realize by now that I really shouldn't worry about it. I am getting there... I just need to learn balance and a new coping strategy and I will be fine. Thanks be to GOD for helping me continue on. Sometimes I get down on myself for one mistake then I sabotage my efforts, but then He lifts me up again and tells me to dust myself off and keep going. Yeah, sometimes He makes me pick my own butt up, but I am getting up. For that I am grateful and by the grace of God I continue on this journey. And I am beyond thankful for the support I receive from friends and the ocassional compliments I get... at those times I KNOW that though I don't see it, change IS coming about. Now I am gonna clean house and put the boys down so I can be alone. I am 1.4 pounds from my 10% goal. Well, the initial goal set for me. I'll take suggestions on what the next one should be. Another 10%? 2 pant sizes? 6 more inches? A five mile run... in 45 minutes? I want to set the bar high... just not ridiculously out of reach!

What happened?

I only lost .8 this week. What a bummer! I knew it would be a bad week after the loss I had the week before. Usually a big loss will be balanced out by a smaller loss, so I expected it- just didn't want it to happen. Plus, I worked even harder and longer exercising so I did burn fat, but I am sure I was also building muscle. Since the last time I did measurements (2/21/08) I have lost another 4 inches. About an inch from my waste, 2 from my bum (there it goes, Dre :( ... ) and Billy made a half inch disappear from my neck, he really may have pulled the tape too tight. It was apart of his plan to make fun of me- talking about losing a chin. Not very nice. Yeah, so this week was so bad, that next week really can't be too much worse?! Not if I keep working hard, it will pay off. Maybe next week will be another big loss. I will try not to bank on it or my feelings may be more hurt than this week. I mean, I exercised almost 4 hours this week! That is good for how busy I have been! Right now myself and a few others are trying to completely convince ourselves that doing the 3 day breast cancer walk (60 miles!!) will be a GOOD idea. I am up for it, I just think that blisters are frightening my potential teammates! Want to join us?? (Oct. 3-5).
Yeah, well I am hoping to go into October knowing by the time the month is over i would have lost another 10-15 pounds!! I am just getting excited thinking about what I could lose by the end of the year if I keep working as hard as I am now. So I am suppressing that stupid .8 and pressing onward. To date... 20.4 pounds. And I am serious about the walk thing!!

Speechless (at weigh in... not now!)

I don't have, too much to say. I am kinda shocked. I know this is a bit unusual considering how much I usually have to say. In general, we all know how much I like to talk. I lost 4.6 lbs- in ONE week. I could not believe it, I actually told her that that had to be wrong! I couldn't believe I told her that, but it was like one of those times where there is no control over your tongue. I think we all have had at least one of those moments. Don't lie! So she proceeded to turn the monitor around as I stepped off the scale and watched it drop to zero. I stepped back on, and it showed that I lost another .2... but she didn't rewrite anything... so it was honestly 4.6. The previous week was my lowest loss, but still a loss. I thought I was reaching the point where things would mellow out a little. Guess not! Works for me though. After a couple rough days, I didn't think any amount of exercise would help me. I was cleaning Wed. and I was too busy to eat, so I fed the boys and kept about my business- telling myself I would eat in a few minutes. By about 3 o'clock, I realized I HAD to eat lunch before I got to church for dinner! But I still had to shower- all I ate was a cup of pineapple! At church I realized I forgot the checkbook so I ate the last 1/3 of Mikah's burger and 1/2 his fries and had some water. By the time I left I was REALLY hungry, so I took 2 pieces of crisp burnt bacon off the serving plate at my mother in laws when we picked up Jeremiah @ 9. Got home, still wasn't satisfied so I stole 3 Chips A Hoy from Billy's leftover lunch, then proceeded to eat an English Muffin with Mikah and had some V8 juice. Mind you, I only exceeded my points by one or two, so I only used 2 points of my weekly allowance this week. But I thought for sure with THAT little performance- there was no way. I was praying for just a small gain! It just seems odd to me, the worse I feel that I do, the scale is usually more nice to me. The better I feel about my week, it's like the scale HAS to make the point of telling me that I am not all that! But I am feeling pretty good today. My competitive spirit is saying to me, if I did that in one week, with doing just the exercise I did, eating what I did... what can I do this week? NOW, I am thinking I will probably work myself into exhaustion and never again partake of a slice of pizza, or touch my extra allowance points. That plan certainly will not last long- did I mention that Mikah has a birthday party to go to tomorrow! Oh well. But I will probably work myself till my bones fall apart. I mean, I see it as- 3-4 lbs a week until my birthday, I could lose over 35, even 40 lbs before my birthday! And then maybe my bike won't bruise my butt when I ride! And then I will have an excuse to do some shopping. If I reach my 10% goal in the next 2weeks, I get to go buy a little something. The idea of going CLOTHES shopping is exciting. Before Weight Watchers, the last time I went shopping was after Christmas, I got 2 pairs of jeans becuase I put on too much to wear the old ones. Before that... maternity shopping! That is sad. But the good news is I am heading in the right direction. Still haven't had breakfast yet, so I suppose I should before my body starts holding on to things again. Lets go 5 lbs!!

Disappointed, yet flabbergasted!

I have to say, this week has been VERY different from the past weeks. From what I ate, to how much, how often, the "work outs", what I cooked... everything. This was only the second week I did not tap into my weekly allowance points. (The points allowing those occasional splurges). The first week- was my first week on the program. My theory was to lose more quicker, don't eat "crap", but then I realized if I deprive myself from the foods I love to eat, I WILL NOT last. So that did not last long at all. It was intentional- my not eating those extra points, just that there was no "occasion" special enough. We didn't eat out much and I made healthier choices when I did. Then, there were days where my schedule was thrown off and I did not eat when I probably should have. You may think that it isn't that big of a deal to eat frequently or to eat on a schedule, but it really is! Your body gets used to eating at a relatively regular time. So I think I could have thrown my body off a little. Which feels kinda bad. BUT I found myself half way through the week and had not lifted a finger to exercise. My bad! So I jogged for 35 minutes those last few days. So I earned more "activity" points than I usually do. Every week I raise the number of points I would like to earn. That way I know I am increasing my exercise. And I did considerably well this week. And then there was the days like Sunday- when we are at church into the afternoon. I don't get a really good breakfast, and then lunch can be a little delayed. And there was the day when I had to go to court for a traffic ticket and I ate breakfast 4 hours earlier than I usually would if I were home! I was too tired to eat when I got home and I napped and missed lunch. So basically, I made great strives this week, but I did make a few mistakes and had some shortcomings. The scale on Thursday was not as nice as it had been in the past weeks. I lost only 1.2 pounds. As you may see from the title of this post- I was disappointed. I felt as if all my jogging and abdominal exercises should have paid off and I really was banking on ATLEAST 2-3 pounds. Then again, were those bad days bad enough to trump my hard work and all that sweat?! I can't possibly know. Yet... something FELT a little funny when I looked in the mirror as I was getting ready for my WW meeting. My usually tighter jeans (fresh out of the dryer- you know how THOSE fit!!) were just right. And I thought I LOOKED better. I was actually feeling good about what I was seeing. Billy and I retook my waist measurement to find out I was missing an inch there! I was flabbergasted! Oh my, I was excited! So I went to my meeting with my head held high. It is funny how much of a difference an inch makes... it often can mean the difference between seeing a more of your own skin or looking down to the ground and seeing your feet again! WOW! Though I wasn't as glad about my weight loss, I was proud to know my cardio MUST be working! When I got home (with my nice KFC dinner- I had the points!!) we had dinner, watched LOST and before bed... we retook ALL of my measurements. And I found out I also lost an inch in my bust! How great is that?! Now my belly is further in, as is my back, making me look slimmer on both sides. Well, except for my toosh. That measurement has not budged yet! But I must say, for the time being- I don't care about that one! So- to date I have hit 15 pounds on the dot plus 2 inches lost. And I like to remind myself that we did not do the numbers until about my 5th week on the program, so there could have been a little more trimming that I will never know about. All looks well and know I am aiming for a much higher loss this week to make up for last week. I still am on track to losing 30 pounds by my birthday- April 15th. And I will work to that goal until it is achieved! Thanks for humoring me... there were alot of mixed feelings this week. I have been disappointed, yet flabbergasted!

I am getting there...

Slowly, but surely the weight is coming off. I am losing it. After the 4th week, I lost 2.6 lbs. This past Thursday, weigh in showed another 2.2 lb loss. Loss to date is at 13.8 lbs. Yet I could not tell you where the weight is going because I swear I still think it's there! It feels good though- seeing my weight go down. At this rate, I should reach my 10% weight loss goal in another 3 weeks. And then I will aim for another 10%. My current jeans are a little looser, I had to buy a belt! I have been doing some jogging, walking and doing both indoors when I can't go out. When I wear out one set of muscles, I target another. This past week- I jogged for 35 minutes in the house, I COULD NOT walk the next morning because my calves were just a little too tight! I don't think the motion indoors is the same, therefore there was a problem. So the next day I did an abdominal workout. I tried the next day, couldn't lift my legs off the floor!! So I did 5 sets of pushups and did some brisk indoor walking. The next day... I couldn't do ANYTHING! So we went out and bought bikes for myself and Billy. We are getting a trailer for the boys later today. (I have the pleasure of watching my friends little boy during a wedding). This is just so when I wear out all the other muscles I have, I can move onto something like bike riding that won't hurt a bit!! I am just excited to be moving about outdoors again. It feels wonderful. And my boys enjoy the extra fresh air and riding in their SUV. My goal this week- make this the best week I possibly can! They tried to get me this morning at breakfast at church! You should have seen all the greasy meats they wanted us to clog our arteries with! WOO! Wonderful as it all was, I took a little of this and a little of that, came home, added the points, and I was astonished to see how well I did. And the little bit of food that I had, compared to my kids and husband- I did really well! And was full before I was able to finish! (Boo hoo). Just wait till spring! I can't wait to get back playing football and soccer again. It will be awesome. My birthday is 2 months away... I plan to be 30 lbs lighter, and I can't wait. Keep praying for me. Believe me, the strength to change my poor habits are not of my own accord!

After week 3

I have lost 3 more pounds, bringing my current loss to 9 pounds. I relly wanted one more to make it ten!! Oh well... I will keep workin on it. I have started being a little more active. I will slowly increase once my moving about has become more of a habit. I will aim higher every week. I am on a roll and very proud of my accomplishments and the help and encouragement I have received from my family and friends. Thanks guys!! Here we go!! Now I will get to see how much I have lost in a month. That is really exciting to see the scale go down. I have already begun some shopping for smaller clothes and I can't wait to wear them out. My goal for this week will be 4 pounds. Three would be great... anything at all is just perfect. Wish me luck and continued strength (not really mine... I must say).

I am surviving. I have lost 6 pounds and I am so stoked! Just to see what I can do this week. The little changes really make the difference. Omitting, for me- tea, others may have to reduce soda intakes. And I have discovered Fresca... it is really good. My goal for now is just under 25 lbs... I am about 1/4 of the way there. Little goals, and I will keep increasing.

One week...

Well, the first week of Weight Watchers is over and I cannot say it was either REALLY hard or REALLY easy. There have been so many times I wanted to have a "little" more or just TASTE something. I could have, really I could. I just think that if I don't tap into my extra stash of points, I could knock the weight faster?! And of course I was anxious about weigh in, but it snowed, then it sleeted, and then it rained and they canceled the meeting. It was like God is telling me... "If you really want to know- you have to stick with it for another week." Or as as my husband puts it, he could be telling me I didn't lose, or I gained and God is giving me another week to get on track. Whatever!
But the snow actually got us outside yesterday. It seems like the only good reason to go out when it is freezing cold. Jeremiah didn't care for Mikah being wrapped around him in a sled so we gave up on his first ride on a sled. He didn't want to be put on the ground, either. Not even to beat up his big brother. He just wanted to be carried around and look up at the snow. When I finally took him in, he and Daddy watched from a window- then he wanted to be out again! But Mikah on the other hand, he is the perfect playmate for snow. You can body check him into the snow and he just gets up and laughs. A few times I thought I was a little rough and he just got up and chuckled a bit! One time he actually face planted in the snow and got up with snow packed to his face- and he laughed it off! I just knew that that incident was gonna send him retreating to the warmth of the house! But he stayed out with me, throwing snowballs at the window little brother and Daddy were watching from. Very amusing for the baby until the window was completely covered... and then they had to find a new window to watch from. Daddy did manage to take a few shots from the window as we wrestled around in the snow. It was a fun afternoon. I only hope that Saturdays storm will bring us enough to go and do some sledding. After our ride to Toys R Us to get the baby some snow pants, I decided side roads would be too covered to venture out to our favorite hills. So maybe we will have a little more fun this weekend! I look forward to every little bit of snow we get... I will always be a kid!

What have I gotten myself into!

I have felt a certain "tug" on my spirit for quite some time now that I have been ignoring, with everything I have! Well, today I have given to God what is His- myself. Or atleast my body, the temple of His Spirit. It is aweful to admit it in this way, but I think this is probably a great start for me... to admit my problem. After high school, marriage, a loss of activities, and 2 boys later I have packed on the pounds as if I could continue forever. I have starved myself and I have over indulged, I have skipped many meals and I have eaten a day away. I have never truly felt accountable to God for what I was doing to myself. Now I realize that it must stop somewhere and that I need help. There, I said it! So... tonight I attended my first Weight Watchers meeting. Now, I cannot promise anything. I will try, though... and pray ALOT. I am not one to have the resolve within myself to care enough to truly "watch" what I eat. But I know NOTHING is impossible with God. So cliche, I know, but it is true nonetheless! Isn't that a wonderful promise? For nothing to be impossible? I (temporarily) feel empowered! I say it that way because I know this will probably be the hardest thing ever and that Satan is GONNA use my weakness to attack me. If you feel led, pray for me- my strength easily fails. I think my husband is onboard and ready to assist with point counting and I am very excited to see what will happen, no matter how long it takes. I just want to stick with it! But man... regular crust pizza, garlic bread, and mac n cheese will be hard to part with. Remember, I have a man that wants to "plump" up... and I am the one who suffers! Here we go, anyhow!

Just begun

It is nearly midnight and we have a busy day tomorrow... yet I am starting a blog space? Like I said, "I should probably be elsewhere". No idea. Just in the mood to find a better way to talk with friends, other than Wed. and Sun., as well as a mutual place to share photos. Not professional, barely novice! But it is a fun toy to have around when you have children and a husband willing to be INFRONT of the lens! I enjoy firends, talking without being interrupted, and taking pictures... this must be the perfect place for me!