New England... much to say!

Honestly, New England has to be one of the most beautiful places in the country... if not the world. It is a place full of history with many stories to tell. In the fall, the trees are the prettiest around, due to the evening temperatures. But let me tell you, in the summer time... it is horrid!! Well, only the part where my family goes up there for about a week! This year was a little different, as far as the occasion. However, the habits were about the same. Mom, Margie, and myself... we are all very hard headed people, and this year, my sister was on an ego trip... since she was graduating and getting most anything she wanted! My purpose and motive was to try and be something I wasn't while I was there. And I know usually that is a really bad thing to be- something you are not. Then again, I think it is quite the opposite as a christian. The whole idea is to be someone you are not because you know EXACTLY what you are! And before you are pulled from the pit, you are AWFUL! So needless to say, I wanted to be "Jesus" to my sister. I began the trip with this picture in mind that we were gonna go shopping for a couple outfits for graduation and I was going to take some really fun grad pics of her around town. Show casing the greenery, the history, and my sisters awful beauty. Which can be very strong when it isn't being masked by her stinky attitude!! hahaha. Yeah, some of the pictures prove just what I mean. But anyway... we picked her up in New Hampshire and headed to the mall for some tax free shopping!! EVENTUALLY (after about 5 hours) we were able to head out with her grad outfit and senior pic out fit in tow. By the time we were to begin shooting, we had lost too much light. So we rescheduled for Friday, the day of graduation... I KNEW this was going to be interesting. The morning was WONDERFUL! I say that sarcastically!! Mom was gabbing through breakfast, putting us a little behind and Margie's hair was a little uncooperative once we got home. When we finally got out... rain drops started trickling from the darkened clouds above... almost like they were just daring me to pull my camera out!! But I had no choice! Here hair was done, and both of my boys were being looked after. There was no other time. The moment my sister took her seat, the wind blew through and those meddlesome clouds began to retreat!! But we were still feeling the stress of the clock and the storms predicted to start ANY minute. We ran from spot to spot. By the pond, by the rock, in the trees, in the grass, ON the rock... anywhere we could. And then we RAN back for a quick outfit change and an escort into town to shoot at the old castle. Yes, CASTLE. It was once a castle and now a catholic school. Of course we had to make a stop at the river, there we had some lens mix up and I was so afraid to take "everything" down with me. My thinking, "If I go in with the camera, at least I could sell the lens!!" So bad, I know! As the sand from the shore shifted and broke away under our feet, we made our way to a fallen tree for what we hoped would be a great photo op. Then we sprinted back to the truck to get to that castle before she was due back to change for the graduation ceremony. We parked near by and began to make our way across the street. Which prompted my crazy sister to cross WHILE cars were coming... which prompted my motherly screaming for her to get out of the street. Which prompted her egotistical self, "Brenda, I know what I am doing. Geez I am so stressed out. I don't need this". Not good for me... I was thinking and then said, "I am doing this for you, I don't need this!!!!!" So the next couple pics show that wonderful attitude. Eventually she got over it and we figured out a way to get her butt on top of the wall. I was not only the "photographer"... but her "footstool" as well!! People driving by had to have thought we were insane!! But we were a people on a mission! It had to get done and then we had to get back- no time for being lady like! Our other problem was going to be the patrolling officers which frequented the area. We made it as quick as we could and keep making our way to the "castle door". We had some fun as we moved along... I got a picture in between shots of her holding her eyes because of how bright the sun had gotten was the clouds dispersed. The others were more like test shots of her walking down the sidewalk, before she turned around, anyway. We hurried through a few more shots and started to run back to the car, knowing we were REALLY cutting it close. I love the stone wall so much I just had to stop her again and get some portraits by the wall. Just in case she didn't like the full body shots, she would have something a little closer. When we got back to the truck, I opened the door and as I scooted my bum into the seat, I looked up to see 2 spires (I believe they're called) and it hit me!! What an opportunity to have a picture with history and such magnificent colors!! So I got mom to pull the truck up to the wall and Margie climbed on up. Shot after shot she just sat there smiling. I think the people hollering to her on the street had gone to her head. But then again, I was have a great time actually pretending to know something about what I was supposed to be doing!! She climbed down on my shoulders and onto the truck and we were off! We got back at the time we were supposed to be leaving and we all still had to get dressed... and I had 2 kids to get ready and the truck to pack up for the trip home later that evening! When we finally got out, we were about 30min behind schedule and I still had to get gas! By the grace of God... and that was EXACTLY what it was. We got there ON TIME and safe, even after 2 stops. Margie went to where the graduates were supposed to be my family took their seats and I found myself a sweet spot to get a picture of her walking the stage to get her diploma. After settling, I saw my uncle walk in and he looked very confused as he panned the auditorium so I left Mikah to save our seats as I went and got him. We walked back towards our seats and then he said to me, "WEll, would you like to see your FATHER?" And my heart sunk... I looked back to Mikah sitting alone, knowing that more than anything my father needed to meet his grand children, and then I looked over to Jeremiah- and then I heard "Would everyone please take their seats". I had no idea what to do! Then just as I reached the spot where Mikah was sitting, I look over to this man with sandy- grey hair who is smiling at me?! I stood there dumbfounded until I realized that this wrinkled man was my father! I approached him as the tears welled in my eyes. When I reached him, I could no longer see and instead of giving him the embrace an adult would- one arm over, the other under each shoulder, I wrapped my arms around his waist as I was a 12 yr old girl all over again and I just closed my eyes. When I finally opened my eyes, I was able to see the many people in the bleachers staring at us like we were crazy. Then he introduced me to my step mother and my 8 yr old little sister, who was just standing there seeming a little out of sorts. Now after Mikahs reaction, I understand why!! For the first time ever she was meeting her sister and meeting a nephew, the same size as her! We all sat together and my father looks at Mikah and says, "Well, Mikah... I guess I'm your grandfather". I could not believe it! It was a day that I never thought would come. A day that I had already begun to lose hope in ever seeing. Mikah sat through the ceremony impatiently waiting for the old people to stop talking and to give his aunt her "special paper" while my father laughed and giggled at his childish sighs and moans. I just kept looking down, in unbelief, marveling at the fact that this was REALLY happening. Mikah and my sister Laura hit it off and sat together the last part of the ceremony (because if he stayed by me he was gonna get a whoopin'!). During the rose ceremony where the grads to be hand out a rose to someone important in their life, I made my way around to my mother who I knew was gonna get the rose. My mother stood with tears in her eyes, as my sister pulled out a rose from about a dozen?! Then I realized she was going around to our family to give each a rose. When she reached me, I said to her, "Margie, look who's here." As she panned to my uncle in the usual, "I knew that already," kinda way, a waving hand caught her eye and the tears fell. Mind you, my sister would never be able to pick my father out of a police line up of 8 people let alone pick him out of a crowd! It was an emotional moment as they embraced. Her tears continued to fall as she made her way back to the stage where her class was waiting for her. And then I realized there were even more people looking our way like we were mad! And then I giggled as I thought of how many people have this sort of fairy tale graduation where their long lost father shows up to see the most important day of their life. And then I realized that that moment, this day, belonged to my sister... and they were jealous! I'm just kidding about that last part. But I know it will be memorable for her. When they finally called her name, she walked across the stage with such pride and this gorgeous smile, which I have NEVER seen before and just as she shook her principles hand, I snapped the shot. Which turned out pretty nicely thanks to a certain friend showing me how to allow more light into a shot (though I have NO IDEA what you call it!!) After graduation we went to McDonald's... nothing special about that you are thinking, but it was for a couple reasons-
1. My Father, step mom, and sister were going.
2. Everything else was closing for the night.
3. The inside of McDonald's was open at 11 pm!!!

I was beyond overjoyed that they agreed. The moment graduation concluded, I pounced him like a kid wanting candy from the store. I could NOT watch him go yet. So we enjoyed our meal which lasted forever, at least mine did. I was almost unable to eat and all I could think about is "He is going to have to leave". So I was relieved by every moment Mikah and Laura played, thinking they couldn't leave while the children were playing so well together. Eventually all good things come to an end. I truly believe that statement, whether it lasts your entire life our a few minutes, or seconds, it does end. My father, still being a father, regardless of whether or not he is usually mine, was concerned about my traveling home at 1 30am with the 2 boys and tried to convince me to stay. Let me tell you what was going on and WHY I had to leave. McSoccerfest was the next evening and I was stoked!! I love soccer, but love it even more when it is with people who just want to play to have fun and do so to the glory of Christ! But for that split moment I felt like that little girl again running to the neighbors, when he called and said "Baby, its alright come back home." (My father was not a good man to my mom back then, not saying he is now, but I think you get the point). I did not want to go for fear of never seeing him again, but I knew I had to get home. Since I wouldn't stay, he wanted to ensure I would get home as safe as possible so he gave me money for the road. And then it happened... they got in the car, put it in reverse, then drive, and began to pull away. I tried to fight back the tears (as I am now!!) while I held Jeremiah and they drove off. They stopped momentarily and I could not quite tell if my father even looked at me and my step mother said with her German accent, "Brenda, call us" as she blew me a kiss. After YEARS of not seeing him, remembering the other times I had seen him, when he would come and then just GO and I saw him do it again. I was devastated! I shook and tried not to sob, I didn't want my boys to feel me. But truth be told, my heart was breaking all over again and I was unsure of my ability to get in the car and leave. I talked to Billy for a few minutes, but had to turn the phone off- no car charger... you know how that is. And once Mom was out of sight... and the boys were asleep, I let it out. No, it didn't feel good. My heart ached with such intensity and then I fell back on the one constant that I have and will have forever- My God. And I prayed and prayed... and then my sorrow became a song of praise as I reflected on God's faithfulness through every part of my life... and I knew he would be faithful through this. Almost like there was a new door opened in my life and its dark and I don't know where it will lead. I prayed repeatedly for the hurt to be taken away... otherwise, I was not okay to drive!! (haha). And again, he was faithful to answer my prayers. Praise God... He is good! Obviously, I did make it home, by the grace of God... I had to start smacking myself coming through Jersey! I didn't want to stop and I was so so tired. I got a mini nap before the tournament and we had a great time. The end?!

I apologize, I really went off on a tangent! Didn't mean to, but I realized there was much more to say then the pictures alone! It makes me feel better just to put it all out there. Paper (per se) doesn't judge and you don't have to worry about whether or not it understands you. 'Cause I know my wonderful husband though he may try, he can't fully comprehend the pain, anger and frustration of what happened that weekend. I can't even say that I completely understand what happened! I mean, I was nice to family that I usually cannot stand, I have seen my father that I haven't seen in over a decade, I made a 10 hour drive, alone, with 2 tots- TWICE! (within about 48 hours!!), and have felt my faith challenged by family and circumstances. But it feels good to be an over comer... and to be back home.

Check out a couple of my favorite shots.