A New Goal, an Achieved Goal

So it has been a little while since I last posted an update on how things are going. Part of the reason I have failed to post... I was losing sight of the prize, a healthier, happier, more disciplined me. Over these last weeks, I have had my first disappointment... and some good loss. But it has been easy to lose myself and justify my set backs... until the week before last.

The first disappointment... a gain. A very minimal gain, but coming off of a very good week of healthy eating habits and plenty of vigorous exercise a gain was insane and unexpected. I came home from Mass. having lost 3.8. The same day we got back- I played in McSoccerfest with some friends from church. It was hot, I sweat, and I ate well. Then I did my usual kickboxing on Tuesday, maybe some minor work on days in between, but I was expecting some good numbers, but a .6 gain! It was unbelievable, but I thought with being my active... maybe I was becoming my old muscular self. So though I was disappointed, I lost every week for about 24weeks, I moved on to not let that happen again. I figured with gaining that the next week would make up for it.

And it did! I lost 4.2 that next week!! WOW! I was excited and felt back on track. But then I slacked off in activity and Jeremiah had gotten pretty sick on my kickboxing day and I missed for his Dr's appointment, not to mention those blasted cookies that I ate on the (5th) to curb eating the fired baskets they were serving at the fairgrounds. And no, I did not try and make up for that loss of activity. BTW, he was okay, he had a double ear infection- again! I think those tubes are gonna be coming soon. Horrible! But anyway, that week I gained .2. I justified the gain by averaging out the losses. The previous weeks were still about 1.5lbs and these 2 weeks would be about 2lbs, so I thought I was still on track. But my better eating habits were diminishing with every slice of pizza I ate! And my exercise became of little importance in light of my regular weekly obligations. Funny thing though... our meeting topic... getting to our boiling point!! Something about water being HOT at 211 degrees, but BOILING at just one degree more at 212. So the point was to step it up one degree! Easy enough. I walked out feeling reved and ready to take my week on.

The first day was going well. The first day of my week (Friday) was the last day of Mikah's soccer camp. I had a good breakfast, but when we got home, I tried to turn the microwave on to heat up the boys' mini corn dogs so they could eat and I could heat up my SMART ONE, but it wasn't working. Meanwhile, Mikah kept telling me he couldn't get the TV on- which at the time I didn't care because I wanted everyone to EAT so they could NAP! Then I realized... the power was off. I called my parents to see if they had any idea what was going on, my dad had just gotten through the traffic by the AFB where a DUMP TRUCK pulled out with his bed UP and took out the lines! Pepco said we were to be out of power till about 2am!! AND IT WAS HOT! But more importantly, I was too tired to go back out and I had $7! I had money enough for McDonalds but was not putting 3 kids back in the car to go out. My parents being wonderful and wanting to help offered to order pizza. WONDERFUL!? I told myself that I would have something else. When the pizza got here, I looked to make myself something... there was no bread for me to make my usual sandwich... there was no milk to indulge in a large bowl of cereal and I WAS FRUSTRATED! So I took that slice of pizza and here are the four of us chomping away like ravenous wolves in the quiet of our powerless home. The sound was enough to drive anyone mad, but it was a long day and we all were pretty hungry. We ALL had another piece. And I was left with enough points to have a salad for dinner.

But Billy had softball, and the offer was on the table to go to Regina's after the game at the expense of a generous teammate... our thought the house will be hot and we haven't got a call yet to tell us otherwise. My plan was partake in the one slice I would have points for... but that didn't last long at all. By the time we left, my bonus points were gone plus my points for the next day were down to about half! Funny huh?! I was upset with myself. So I was on a mission to undo the damage I had done. I lowered my intake for each day and I walked with the kids half the week and went kickboxing. I managed to pull a loss from my backside! I was amazed. I knew I was gonna gain, just wanted to minimize it... and this?! I'll take it... I did work hard to get back on track. So now, I AM BACK! And ready. And I don't think me thinking I could do this alone- it is easy- how hard could it be- was helping either. I am giving it back to God. It surely is by His power within me that I can resist those cookies and pizza. Believe, those are 2 things that are REALLY REALLY hard to "lighten up". In attempt to keep me focused on the future and not my past screw ups, I have set a couple goals.

One of those goals... my 75 lb goal. The date I have PLACED ON MY CALENDAR is to be Sept 10th... if need be, the 17th. (If I am too far off and I feel like I have messed up too much, I am likely to give up... so I need to be flexible with myself.) That means that I would need to lose 2 lbs a week. Not impossible by any means, but a stretch- rather, a challenge. I am excited. I go t see my OBGYN at the end of Sept and part of me wants to see the reaction. Being heavier and pregnant, they always want to be kind and not hurtful, but the truth is- everyone is in danger! You know?! So now, I know that when God says its the right time and we want more children, we will be able to freely do that with much healthier circumstance. Plus I need to have the discussion about delivery options... I really don't like C sections... and I probably will not do this kid thing again if I have to have one! But now maybe the situation would be different!! BUT NEWAY! Another goal... and I know your chin my drop, but I set my 100 lb goal. Dec 25th is hopefully the date for that goal! Maybe the beginning of Jan because I know there won't be a meeting. Jan 10th will be one year anniversary of my first meeting. The time I realized I was fat and getting fatter?! Yeah, that time. HAHA. But yes, believe it or not... for those of you who may not believe it, they actually expect me to lose more than 100. But I don't think I intend to. Billy is afraid of me getting too small. Remember, we met while I was in high school... and I was not a skinny mini and I am already within 25lbs of that weight. Not necessarily the waist size yet, but I am workin' on it!

I have reached a goal pertaining to size! I don't care, I can wear a 14! Maybe not ALL but at least one!! OBVIOUSLY. A few months back I bought a pair of dressy shorts (city shorts) for church- not sure if I would be able to get into them before the summer ended. Well, in weeks past, I have been able to get into them and button them, but still not feel appropriate and comfortable, but this week was different. I can wear them now! And I will. At a meeting I set a goal to get into those shorts by the end of summer!! Goal achieved! Guess I need to go shopping again. I have to buy something else every time I get into my previous "goal clothes". Maybe by the end of summer I can be a TRUE 14 and buy 12's to look toward?! Those are my high school sizes though! Wow, almost 5 years of damage undone! You have to stand in awe God's power and His abilities to work within and through us. I would have thought nothing could ever change me!

Praise God! He is GREAT! And always faithful, even we I am not!

New England... much to say!

Honestly, New England has to be one of the most beautiful places in the country... if not the world. It is a place full of history with many stories to tell. In the fall, the trees are the prettiest around, due to the evening temperatures. But let me tell you, in the summer time... it is horrid!! Well, only the part where my family goes up there for about a week! This year was a little different, as far as the occasion. However, the habits were about the same. Mom, Margie, and myself... we are all very hard headed people, and this year, my sister was on an ego trip... since she was graduating and getting most anything she wanted! My purpose and motive was to try and be something I wasn't while I was there. And I know usually that is a really bad thing to be- something you are not. Then again, I think it is quite the opposite as a christian. The whole idea is to be someone you are not because you know EXACTLY what you are! And before you are pulled from the pit, you are AWFUL! So needless to say, I wanted to be "Jesus" to my sister. I began the trip with this picture in mind that we were gonna go shopping for a couple outfits for graduation and I was going to take some really fun grad pics of her around town. Show casing the greenery, the history, and my sisters awful beauty. Which can be very strong when it isn't being masked by her stinky attitude!! hahaha. Yeah, some of the pictures prove just what I mean. But anyway... we picked her up in New Hampshire and headed to the mall for some tax free shopping!! EVENTUALLY (after about 5 hours) we were able to head out with her grad outfit and senior pic out fit in tow. By the time we were to begin shooting, we had lost too much light. So we rescheduled for Friday, the day of graduation... I KNEW this was going to be interesting. The morning was WONDERFUL! I say that sarcastically!! Mom was gabbing through breakfast, putting us a little behind and Margie's hair was a little uncooperative once we got home. When we finally got out... rain drops started trickling from the darkened clouds above... almost like they were just daring me to pull my camera out!! But I had no choice! Here hair was done, and both of my boys were being looked after. There was no other time. The moment my sister took her seat, the wind blew through and those meddlesome clouds began to retreat!! But we were still feeling the stress of the clock and the storms predicted to start ANY minute. We ran from spot to spot. By the pond, by the rock, in the trees, in the grass, ON the rock... anywhere we could. And then we RAN back for a quick outfit change and an escort into town to shoot at the old castle. Yes, CASTLE. It was once a castle and now a catholic school. Of course we had to make a stop at the river, there we had some lens mix up and I was so afraid to take "everything" down with me. My thinking, "If I go in with the camera, at least I could sell the lens!!" So bad, I know! As the sand from the shore shifted and broke away under our feet, we made our way to a fallen tree for what we hoped would be a great photo op. Then we sprinted back to the truck to get to that castle before she was due back to change for the graduation ceremony. We parked near by and began to make our way across the street. Which prompted my crazy sister to cross WHILE cars were coming... which prompted my motherly screaming for her to get out of the street. Which prompted her egotistical self, "Brenda, I know what I am doing. Geez I am so stressed out. I don't need this". Not good for me... I was thinking and then said, "I am doing this for you, I don't need this!!!!!" So the next couple pics show that wonderful attitude. Eventually she got over it and we figured out a way to get her butt on top of the wall. I was not only the "photographer"... but her "footstool" as well!! People driving by had to have thought we were insane!! But we were a people on a mission! It had to get done and then we had to get back- no time for being lady like! Our other problem was going to be the patrolling officers which frequented the area. We made it as quick as we could and keep making our way to the "castle door". We had some fun as we moved along... I got a picture in between shots of her holding her eyes because of how bright the sun had gotten was the clouds dispersed. The others were more like test shots of her walking down the sidewalk, before she turned around, anyway. We hurried through a few more shots and started to run back to the car, knowing we were REALLY cutting it close. I love the stone wall so much I just had to stop her again and get some portraits by the wall. Just in case she didn't like the full body shots, she would have something a little closer. When we got back to the truck, I opened the door and as I scooted my bum into the seat, I looked up to see 2 spires (I believe they're called) and it hit me!! What an opportunity to have a picture with history and such magnificent colors!! So I got mom to pull the truck up to the wall and Margie climbed on up. Shot after shot she just sat there smiling. I think the people hollering to her on the street had gone to her head. But then again, I was have a great time actually pretending to know something about what I was supposed to be doing!! She climbed down on my shoulders and onto the truck and we were off! We got back at the time we were supposed to be leaving and we all still had to get dressed... and I had 2 kids to get ready and the truck to pack up for the trip home later that evening! When we finally got out, we were about 30min behind schedule and I still had to get gas! By the grace of God... and that was EXACTLY what it was. We got there ON TIME and safe, even after 2 stops. Margie went to where the graduates were supposed to be my family took their seats and I found myself a sweet spot to get a picture of her walking the stage to get her diploma. After settling, I saw my uncle walk in and he looked very confused as he panned the auditorium so I left Mikah to save our seats as I went and got him. We walked back towards our seats and then he said to me, "WEll, would you like to see your FATHER?" And my heart sunk... I looked back to Mikah sitting alone, knowing that more than anything my father needed to meet his grand children, and then I looked over to Jeremiah- and then I heard "Would everyone please take their seats". I had no idea what to do! Then just as I reached the spot where Mikah was sitting, I look over to this man with sandy- grey hair who is smiling at me?! I stood there dumbfounded until I realized that this wrinkled man was my father! I approached him as the tears welled in my eyes. When I reached him, I could no longer see and instead of giving him the embrace an adult would- one arm over, the other under each shoulder, I wrapped my arms around his waist as I was a 12 yr old girl all over again and I just closed my eyes. When I finally opened my eyes, I was able to see the many people in the bleachers staring at us like we were crazy. Then he introduced me to my step mother and my 8 yr old little sister, who was just standing there seeming a little out of sorts. Now after Mikahs reaction, I understand why!! For the first time ever she was meeting her sister and meeting a nephew, the same size as her! We all sat together and my father looks at Mikah and says, "Well, Mikah... I guess I'm your grandfather". I could not believe it! It was a day that I never thought would come. A day that I had already begun to lose hope in ever seeing. Mikah sat through the ceremony impatiently waiting for the old people to stop talking and to give his aunt her "special paper" while my father laughed and giggled at his childish sighs and moans. I just kept looking down, in unbelief, marveling at the fact that this was REALLY happening. Mikah and my sister Laura hit it off and sat together the last part of the ceremony (because if he stayed by me he was gonna get a whoopin'!). During the rose ceremony where the grads to be hand out a rose to someone important in their life, I made my way around to my mother who I knew was gonna get the rose. My mother stood with tears in her eyes, as my sister pulled out a rose from about a dozen?! Then I realized she was going around to our family to give each a rose. When she reached me, I said to her, "Margie, look who's here." As she panned to my uncle in the usual, "I knew that already," kinda way, a waving hand caught her eye and the tears fell. Mind you, my sister would never be able to pick my father out of a police line up of 8 people let alone pick him out of a crowd! It was an emotional moment as they embraced. Her tears continued to fall as she made her way back to the stage where her class was waiting for her. And then I realized there were even more people looking our way like we were mad! And then I giggled as I thought of how many people have this sort of fairy tale graduation where their long lost father shows up to see the most important day of their life. And then I realized that that moment, this day, belonged to my sister... and they were jealous! I'm just kidding about that last part. But I know it will be memorable for her. When they finally called her name, she walked across the stage with such pride and this gorgeous smile, which I have NEVER seen before and just as she shook her principles hand, I snapped the shot. Which turned out pretty nicely thanks to a certain friend showing me how to allow more light into a shot (though I have NO IDEA what you call it!!) After graduation we went to McDonald's... nothing special about that you are thinking, but it was for a couple reasons-
1. My Father, step mom, and sister were going.
2. Everything else was closing for the night.
3. The inside of McDonald's was open at 11 pm!!!

I was beyond overjoyed that they agreed. The moment graduation concluded, I pounced him like a kid wanting candy from the store. I could NOT watch him go yet. So we enjoyed our meal which lasted forever, at least mine did. I was almost unable to eat and all I could think about is "He is going to have to leave". So I was relieved by every moment Mikah and Laura played, thinking they couldn't leave while the children were playing so well together. Eventually all good things come to an end. I truly believe that statement, whether it lasts your entire life our a few minutes, or seconds, it does end. My father, still being a father, regardless of whether or not he is usually mine, was concerned about my traveling home at 1 30am with the 2 boys and tried to convince me to stay. Let me tell you what was going on and WHY I had to leave. McSoccerfest was the next evening and I was stoked!! I love soccer, but love it even more when it is with people who just want to play to have fun and do so to the glory of Christ! But for that split moment I felt like that little girl again running to the neighbors, when he called and said "Baby, its alright come back home." (My father was not a good man to my mom back then, not saying he is now, but I think you get the point). I did not want to go for fear of never seeing him again, but I knew I had to get home. Since I wouldn't stay, he wanted to ensure I would get home as safe as possible so he gave me money for the road. And then it happened... they got in the car, put it in reverse, then drive, and began to pull away. I tried to fight back the tears (as I am now!!) while I held Jeremiah and they drove off. They stopped momentarily and I could not quite tell if my father even looked at me and my step mother said with her German accent, "Brenda, call us" as she blew me a kiss. After YEARS of not seeing him, remembering the other times I had seen him, when he would come and then just GO and I saw him do it again. I was devastated! I shook and tried not to sob, I didn't want my boys to feel me. But truth be told, my heart was breaking all over again and I was unsure of my ability to get in the car and leave. I talked to Billy for a few minutes, but had to turn the phone off- no car charger... you know how that is. And once Mom was out of sight... and the boys were asleep, I let it out. No, it didn't feel good. My heart ached with such intensity and then I fell back on the one constant that I have and will have forever- My God. And I prayed and prayed... and then my sorrow became a song of praise as I reflected on God's faithfulness through every part of my life... and I knew he would be faithful through this. Almost like there was a new door opened in my life and its dark and I don't know where it will lead. I prayed repeatedly for the hurt to be taken away... otherwise, I was not okay to drive!! (haha). And again, he was faithful to answer my prayers. Praise God... He is good! Obviously, I did make it home, by the grace of God... I had to start smacking myself coming through Jersey! I didn't want to stop and I was so so tired. I got a mini nap before the tournament and we had a great time. The end?!

I apologize, I really went off on a tangent! Didn't mean to, but I realized there was much more to say then the pictures alone! It makes me feel better just to put it all out there. Paper (per se) doesn't judge and you don't have to worry about whether or not it understands you. 'Cause I know my wonderful husband though he may try, he can't fully comprehend the pain, anger and frustration of what happened that weekend. I can't even say that I completely understand what happened! I mean, I was nice to family that I usually cannot stand, I have seen my father that I haven't seen in over a decade, I made a 10 hour drive, alone, with 2 tots- TWICE! (within about 48 hours!!), and have felt my faith challenged by family and circumstances. But it feels good to be an over comer... and to be back home.

Check out a couple of my favorite shots.

Its been awhile...

I know it has been some time now... but just to make an update. I have lost now 52.6 lbs. I have lost over 20% and I am now under 200 lbs. That is thrilling for me! I am now just under the weight that I was when I found out I was pregnant with Mikah. Recently, I have began attending a kick boxing/ aerobics class... well, I have only done it one week so far, but apparently it works. This week I had lost 3.8 lbs. So I guess I am gonna stick with it. My goal for this month, lose 10 lbs. Saturday evening myself, Billy, and a few others from church competed in the Mcsoccerfest tournament in Columbia. We surely did not win, but we had alot of fun... and I did alot of sweating! So I HAVE to go to that class tonight so I can maximize my weight loss for this week. I will go despite the fact that I still cannot walk efficiently or sneeze comfortably. Maybe punching and kicking will get my muscles stretched back out! So I guess I will set a goal of 3 lbs for this week and then maybe I can hit that 10 lbs the next week!! As long as I continue to work at it, I will be well on my way to 60 lbs!

Mikah's birthday party (5/3/08)

I just wanted to "talk" (because it is well past bedtime and everyone is asleep)... about Mikah's party. Today I finally got to look at a load of pictures that a friend (Shannon) took and burned to disk for me to enjoy. I know the party was a blast- for me, for Billy, and of course, Mikah. But seriously, I was so busy I didn't have the time to sit and enjoy myself. I was up the hill and down again trying to get everything from the house to the table and I was busy being a spokes person and a mom and a babysitter, a party planner and a hostess and who knows what else! After Mikah's well played soccer game, my mother in law and I split up- she went to grab the balloons I ordered, and we were off to pick up the cake and sodas. I dropped Billy off at home and he and Mikah grabbed the grill. I hadn't realized on the way to my mother in laws that we needed ice, already on the road, I thought I should do it. With 30 lb Jeremiah in my arms, I marched into 7-11 and opened the freezer. Crazy me thought it much more of a bargain to get 3 bags at 16 lbs than 4 at 10, so i grabbed it ALL and struggled to the counter. I didn't drop anything but I sure was close. I was a Super Mom in a hurry!! I had no time for repeat trips. Though I gave in when it came to carrying everything to the truck!! I took 2 bags and Jeremiah out to the truck and went back for the other- just to find out that Billy was RIGHT behind me and I should have gotten him to do it. We had left Gambrills minutes after 10am and the party was set for noon! Once at my mother in laws it was a mad dash to get everything set up. It was turning out to be a pretty warm day indeed and my sweat was flyin'! Had to get the sodas in coolers, on ice, and down the hill. We had to set up all the tables, chairs and get them covered. We covered the stage, helped set up the music equipment, staked banners, filled water balloons, filled the pinata, put out balloons and braced for impact! Though not in perfect timing. Guests began to arrive thereabout 12:30, 12:45... late, but not late enough, obviously. However, if Shannon and Jason hadn't shown up when they did, the party would have been a bust! Shannon had the patience to untangle a dozen plus balloons and Jason... had the ability to run his mouth to my husband who was ready to brag on his hand made slingshot. What a help! No, they were great! Jason and Shannon started face painting and Tiffany and I began the hair color. Man some of those kids had some bold ideas for color. Austin had a blue mohawk, with pink streaks, and orange sides. After I did Tiff's hair... and she did mine- I was off! The only time I was able to sit was the fifteen minutes it took for me to eat my lunch. But only after getting the karaoke started! Kirsten kicked the party off in grand style singin' Twinkle Twinkle. Every child who attended sang! It was great!! Micah and Luke sang of all things... the Beatles, "Hey Jude". And Mikah's soccer buddy and his younger sister sang "My Girl". Yeah, and there was alot of "Jesus Loves Me". After the wonderfully prepared lunch- courtesy of my Nunny bunny on the grill and both of my mothers' side dishes... oh oh!! I sliced the pineapples!! Go me, GO ME!!! Well... we bashed in the pinata. Of course we started with the youngest. Tyler... he was fun to watch. He is a pretty violent kid. Then again... look at his dad! HA. But we forgot the babies! Jeremiah took a few swings of the bat, thought it was amusing, then said "forget it!" But Vinnie... oh man! Watch out now! A little slugger! He went to T O W N on that pinata! Everyone got a few hits and passed the stick on. I know everyone knows how the pinata works, but this one was special... it was MANUAL. We ghetto rigged it- just another way Shannon and Jason saved the day! Came up with the idea of putting bungy cords (HOWEVER you spell it!) through the center of the four. Whats worse is we didn't have one long enough so we used 2 and hooked them together! Jason and Billy stood on chairs and yanked away on the strings! I think Jason only got hit once. Luckily for my dear hubby, who has experienced this terror before while holding a pinata on a chair, was on the right and most of the kids were right handed- swinging to their left!! After Luke opened it up a bit, the stick was back in Mikah's hands to free the candy from its cardboard prison. The dag on thing was SO full of candy, the kids were picking it up for over 10 minutes! Anyone who has been to a KID party with a pinata knows that there is a feeding frenzy directly following the breaking. The initial excitement was quelled by the over abundance of sweets on the ground. I think they were a little intimidated. And yes, us grown ups had to help distribute to move the process along. FINALLY!! Not a moment too soon, we moved on. Billy brought a 5 gallon bucket FULL of water balloons down the hill and the kids were ready to go wild! Billy and Jason held the well made slingshot while the kids pulled back with all their might, not always remembering to brace themselves before they let go!! The night before, Billy drove around a bit to get an exercise band that would be worthy of a sling shot. He came home, grabbed one of my smaller tupperware containers and a huge roll of duct tape and got busy. You would never be able to tell there is a kitchen container in all that tape! But it held up great! It even survived! And I am sure it will make it to an AWANA near you! After handing over the handle, Jason took a balloon- from FAITH!!- to the gut! A couple of the kids got him REAL good. After all that work, our food had settled enough for cake and ice cream. The wonderful American Idol image on the cake, though it was not perfect, was good enough to please my baby and made good eatin'! The wonderful Shannon got pictures of the cake before it was destroyed. I am so grateful for the pictures she took because I got about 5! Not even one of my own child! Anyway, everyone enjoyed the cake and ice cream, some had to leave, but we dragged on a while more and Mikah got to play a bit with Jason (by himself). Once the guests left, I immediately begin to tear down the mess of the party that was left over in my mother in laws yard. It took some time, but was no where near as bad as having to set up! What was a major curiosity to neighbors and party central to about 10 kids was gone in no time. The only evidence remaining was a few scraps of balloon in the yard. We were exhausted, but overjoyed with the pleasure and happiness that the children experienced. So tonight, when I was able to pop the disk into my computer, sit, and replay the entire series of events from that day, I was brought to a tear or 2. My baby had a blast! And I don't think that one of those kids who attended will ever miss a party that my baby throws- EVER! What seemed would be a simple party- let the kids play, let them sing, paint 'em up, became so much more just because of what some family and some friends contributed to MY sons special day. I saw pictures of the Browns' kids trip prior to their arrival, my husband on the grill, fun face paints and vibrant hair color. Saw a replay of pinata bashing, water balloon shooting, and cake eating. And the closing pic brought the tears to my eyes, as it is now... me and my little Mikah near the end of his party. You know how you can look at yourself in a picture and though you may LOOK like you feel one way, you remember EXACTLY how you REALLY felt? It is one of those pictures for me. I was happy that so many people came out on their Saturday afternoon to bring their child to spend the day with MY son. I was elated by the amount of food prepared and everyones enjoyment of it. I was in awe of all the parents enthusiasm in the activities. I felt truly blessed because God loves me enough to have answered a selfish prayer for good weather! I got to watch my husband being the man that he loves to be- fellowshipping with his brothers in the Lord, feeding many families, improvising to entertain children whom he adores. And I got to see all the smiles on the faces of these children who my baby will grow up with (I hope), that he calls "friends". There was so much joy, so much grace and love... and my face, my flesh just did not have the capacity to display the overwhelming joy of my spirit. Which may I say, set me up for a glorious, very unique weekend where God just showed me His glory! He woke me fresh on Sunday with an uplifted Spirit, led me in His Word to "facilitate" Connections. He cleared my heart so I could wholly worship Him for being the lifter of MY head and there was even enough grace leftover to get through the "Life Together" scene. What a great God! How awesome is His love? That He has LAVISHED upon us! Just throwing this in... I have been in Dueteronomy lately... and Moses directs the Israelities (i believe in 4??) to NEVER forget, never stop talking about the things God has done for them. That they are to tell their children and grandchildren the miracles God has done for them. I have come to the understanding that God is always present in our lives. But it is only by His grace that you may RECOGNIZE His hand in it. And I long to never forget what He has done for me and places He has brought me from. I do believe that there are "spiritual" highs and lows. That they may be based on "emotion" which is the worst thing to base your faith on, but on the other hand, I know that God loves us enough to reveal himself to us. And that weekend, especially Saturday, I tasted a glimpse- of the glory of God... the peace and overwhelming joy that the Spirit brings. Sorry... that is just what that day meant to me. And the "story" that I made of it, is exactly how the day felt. It wasn't just a party. It was an exciting story for my son, for my family. If you could for a moment realize how much I give and put into Jeremiah and know that I am human, I fall short, I cannot give more than I have, you would realize that something may lack in my relationship to Mikah. So this day was a SPECIAL day for me, as a mom who often falls short. That is why I believe God answered my cries. I needed something just for Mikah... and here it was. A clear sky and warm weather, a far cry from the rain they called for!! So I tell you what He has done for me... that I might not forget. And all of this emotion, all of this joy, praise, gratefulness- is behind the mask in our picture together. Thanks for "listening". If you are reading this. I love you... and I cherish your friendship.

I did it!!

This past week, I did hit the 40 mark! I lost what I believe was 1.2 to bring my total to 40.6. I was really excited. I was so close, but just to have the "3" change to a "4" was like I had lost an extra 10 pounds! Unfortunately, this week I have lacked in exercise and I believe I have eaten just a little too much junk on a couple of occasions. But Billy is making me go to weigh in to see what has happened. Makes sense to me, but I really don't want to end up losing my "40" label. So if I gain, I should pray to only gain .6... though I am sure it does not work that way. Guess I will let you know how it goes.

Movin' right along...

Haven't updated in some time now. I must say that I have been a little busy, but now things are slowing down a little. I have had quite a few milestones within the last week or so. One of those things keeping me busy was leading praise music at the ladies retreat last weekend. Where my milestone was singing a solo for the first time in front of people which is so much different from karaoke because you are revealing your heart. But it wasn't about me so it became a bit easier than I thought it would be. I had a blast with the Donna and Peggy preparing and singing the music. They were great fun to be with... and didn't make bad roomies, either! Check out some of the pictures!! Another accomplishment, I ran 2 miles on the treadmill at the fitness center AT THE RETREAT. And I did it at a near 5 mph. I have not been able to run like that since high school! I was beyond excited! And of course, Donna and Peggy were there and we worked it together! The other milestone was pretty huge for me. A dress that Billy insisted on buying for me back in Jan/ Feb... I tried it on Sunday before church... and it fit!! Mind you, that it is ATLEAST 2 sizes down from what I started at. Now he has to take me out to celebrate. Don't know what we are gonna do yet... I just want to have a nice warm Sunday where I can wear the dress to church! It's about the occassion that I would have to wear it! It just felt great! I had just got done telling him a couple days before I didn't think I could fit it and for fear of ripping it, I hadn't tried it on yet. Well there ya go, what a surprise. I don't remember the last time I posted, but this week I lost 6.2 pounds. Mind you, I missed last Thursdays because we left in the a.m for the retreat, so it was a 2 week loss. But even on average, 3 a week?! I'll take it! BTW, I didn't exercise this past week... Total loss thus far... I don't even want to say it because next week should be another milestone and I don't want to jinx it... but... I am excited... so.... total loss is 39.4 lbs!! I am down form 248 to 209! I cannot believe it. I really can't. It truly is amazing how much making healthier choices can change you! It's not even about dieting and deprevation... just more concious decisions. At this rate, I could reach goal within a year of starting! That is an outrageous though, but so within reach. And the funny thing is, I don't think I make all the choices I could make... but it still works and I still am on a good track! Well, I will definitely be insanely happy when I reach 40! but can you believe, that when I reach 48, I would have lost 20% of myself?! Crazy, huh?! I mean, if I were split into 5 pieces... I would be missing from the tip of my head to my head to my shoulders! I know... forget I said that! Just a fifth of my weight! HAHAHA...

Really, man... common!

I am telling you... one of these days, I will be right about what is gonna happen on that scale. Seriously, I just don't get it. My body must be completely confused because it has no idea what I had done to it this last week. Somehow after consuming a large, Ledo's, buffalo pizza... with LIGHT ranch dressing within 2 days (with the exception of a few pieces). I STILL managed to lose weight. No, I am NOT complaining. I am excited to have lost every week so far. But I know the truth of what I did... and what I DIDN'T do. I know what I ate... (pizza 2 times this week - I behaved the first time- my mother in laws chocolate cookies with peanut butter chips, and probably whatever else I could eat that wasn't the healthiest selection. Hey! But I did drink my water!! I am starting to feel like, no matter what I eat, no matter how much I exceed my points (I know I did this week)... I will lose weight as long as I drink my water! I just don't really want to test that theory, so it will remain a THEORY. You know, the eating part wouldn't have been that bad, except I didn't exercise at all this week. Well, if you are familiar with The Biggest Loser... you would know what I mean when I say I did try and get that "last chance workout". Thursday was THE only day warm enough and dry enough to get out and do anything! So we took the boys and our racquets over to the tennis courts down the way. I must say, Billy really was trying to work me. Every time I put the ball over the net, he sent it back the direction I JUST CAME FROM! So I was back and forth for every volley. I was sweating jut being out in the sun. I am sure I didn't have to do anything! Then I tried to work it out a little coaching a rambunctious group of toddlers. Needless to say, I feel REALLY sorry for the persons sitting next to me in Weight Watchers last night. I was not a pretty sight. But I had managed a loss of 1.6 lbs. Don't get it, but I lost it... OMG!! I know what it was. I was wearing SHORTS and not my usual JEANS!!!! Oh, how depressing! I didn't lose anything. Oh well. I guess I will just have to work harder this week so I don't put that weight back on when I put my jeans back on. My total loss, though it hasn't gone too far behind LAST weeks total, is specail because I am THAT much closer to losing 35!! I can't know if I lose 35 BY my birthday (this Tuesday) but I will aim for 35 for Thursday!! OH NOOOOOOOOOOO. I won't BE THERE!! The womens retreat, we leave Thursday afternoon. Guys... I am really beginning to get frustrated here! I guess I will try and find a Tuesday meeting in my area and then I guess I can really see if I lose 35 BY my birthday.
Anway, the total is 33.2... 1.8 from 35!! I think I am gonna bust my butt playin tennis today, (ANYBODY WANNA JOIN US!!!) and hopefully Sunday or Monday, whichever DOESN'T rain... run a bit at Mikah's practice and then go weight in... in my shorts?! HAHAHA. Man, there is so much going on this week that I just did not realize! Thanks for helping me figure it all out. Till next time. Look, if I do manage to do it... I may have to post it! So hope I post Tuesday!!! PLEASE!